Hey Matt Damon. Just how’s it going? I’m resting on my sofa with a neck cushion and a very inflamed head. I resemble Sloth from the Goonies movie.
Sloth From GooniesSince you aren’t sure me, I must explain. Usually, I’m excellent looking. Like, great looking. Some individuals in fact say I kind of look like you, Matt Damon. Yet today, I am on day 2 of recouping from my second hair transplantation. Today I appear like hell. I recognize in a couple of months I will certainly be back to looking incredibly hot. However, for now, I’m Sloth from the Goonies.
I’ve been a veteran follower of yours, Matt Damon. Goodwill Hunting was the bomb. I wish I was very clever and also difficult with a shameful past like your character in that film. I would be so fascinating. Instead, I’m just your average daily Forensic Hair Scientist. My specialty? Star hair loss.
You see, I began balding at a young age. I was around 18 when I initially noticed a receding hairline. And ever since, it’s been a crazy trip. I’ve gone from therapy to therapy and I’m ultimately at the end of my loss of hair journey.
I just flew back from Vancouver where I had 4211 grafts thoroughly put in the frontal 3rd of my head. 6 months from now, my hair will certainly resemble Brad Pitt’s. Regarding 5 years ago I had about 3,000 grafts positioned in the very same location. Nevertheless, not all of them grew (my fault for not choosing a much better hair transplant technique). You could check out my transplant right here.
Enough about me. I’m interested in you. As I discussed I’m a Forensic Hair Scientist. You’ve gotten on my radar for a long time. Recently, during a roast, your friend Sarah Silverman discussed your revolting breath and your hair connects.
I realize this was just a roast and also not every little thing holds true in a roast. I don’t think you have foul breath.
Matt Damon’s loss of hair in 2002I do believe you had a hair transplantation (hair plugs as Sarah Silverman describes them). And I don’t condemn you. When was the last time you saw a leading male lose his hair? With the exception of Jude Law (the guy has the smallest head on the world and he’s British– he can get away with almost anything), it’s rare that an A-Lister has any loss of hair.
I don’t intend to say whether you’ve had actually anything done. That will not get us anywhere. I will state that I think you made the appropriate step by doing something about it early. When celebs wait too lengthy to get a hair transplantation, the significant modification is very noticeable. Have a look at Patrick Warburton.
Unfortunately, there is a stigma attached to hair transplantation. Women believe we are ripping off. I say phooey to that. Ladies obtain all kinds of work done when us males intend to include a little hair, we get mocked.
My friend, I’m happy to introduce that you are welcomed to sign up with the Secret Society Of Hair Hooligans. Very soon, a member of the SSHH will knock on your door, blindfold you, and after that shove you right into a black van where you’ll be taken to a remote coastline. There, the initiation will certainly start.
Matt Damon’s hair transplant 2011You will certainly be asked to put on panties and take pictures in unusual placements. Do not ask concerns. Simply do it. We might also ask you to contribute one of your pubic hairs to our JICB (Just In Case Box). If something ever before occurs to our hair, and stem cell transplants come true, we could take out among your pubes, grow thousands more and transplant them to your head.
We will additionally likely dip you right into the ocean just like a baptism as well as rub a salve, of sorts, on your head. After completing this routine you’ll be among us, permanently. You may also be required to disclose secrets regarding your celebrity good friends. This isn’t really common but you would certainly be our second celeb participant and our first participant revealed lots concerning you without us also asking. Certainly, I can not reveal our other star member. Allow’s simply claim his initials are NC and also he’s usually ‘Gone In 60 Seconds.’